Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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