please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
