I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
