i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
