yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
