I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
