hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
