Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
