I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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