so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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