I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
