I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
