butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
