I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
