I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
