omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
