Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
