yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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