$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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