I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
