What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
