booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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