I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
