R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
