we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
