Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
