I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We left the knife in your bed.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
