Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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