I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
