I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
