Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
