He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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