All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
