shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
