I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
