everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
