just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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