I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
