First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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