I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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