i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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