i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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