I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
