4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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