If i come over, it means nothing
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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