It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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