are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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