Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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