The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
