remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
