just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
