my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
