did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
