Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
time to smoke my breakfast
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
