it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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