you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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