yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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