Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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