life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Damn victory sex feels great
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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