Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
