Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
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Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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