you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
