my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
