Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize