It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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