I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
