So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
