And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
