so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
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I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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