Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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