I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
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Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
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Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize