Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
