I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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