I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
