I hate your face
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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