You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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