2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My vagina just clenched in fear
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
