never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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