Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
