I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
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It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
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His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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