she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
