Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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